Monthly Archives: July 2021

One more silent rant at T

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I am upset at you, as usual. Are you tired of it?
I am upset that you are still totally ignoring the whole “virtual therapy” thing. I don’t know if you really don’t realize it is actually a thing and don’t feel the difference and can’t remember that it does not work great for me, or if you think that ignoring it makes it not exist. I know what I will be unfair. But there are so freaking many things you could do/have done.

  • You could once in a while even mention the existence of that issue. I don’t want a date to go back in person. I (mostly) don’t care if it is in one month or 6 months. But just MENTION IT. Just say something acknowledging it? “oh, some things are reopening, but I (along with most therapists) prefer to wait, how is that for you, I know it is something you hope will happen some day?”
  • you could do things around visiting the office, checking how it changes, is there a window, what can we see, ANYTHING. We could have used the fact I had some mugs that were at the old office
  • or using tea as a way to increase the feeling of connection, or anything that would make me feel like you heard that I did not ‘like’ it, and that even if I can tolerate it, and don’t need to focus exclusively on it, it still exists. It feels as if, since I stopped telling you it hurt all the time, then … well, it is fine, who cares?
  • not even acknowledging it, for months on end just leaves me alone with it, instead of connected in a situation that kinda sucks. No. I am in a situation that kinda sucks, no idea where you are. You’re looking from the outside, either not seeing or acknowledging it sucks, or telling me that yes, I have a tendency to feel disconnected. Well yes, I do.
  • and that leads back to “you don’t want to speak to MM anymore, or try to connect. You will tell me how to connect and how I am doing it wrong. and how it sure is trauma, and you will stay on the outside. You won’t come find me in the dark woods. You will tell me “oh, those are dark dark woods for sure, I am waiting for you outside, come, use that inner parent you have hidden somewhere”. I am not asking you to carry me out of the woods, I know I have to walk, and I want to! But can’t you come spend some time in the woods and maybe we can walk out together? Maybe it would be bad to do it.