It is over, T is gone forever.
Overall, we made good use of the last 10 hours, I think. I just feel completely… deserted. In the end, she did abandon me for my own good. What do I do with that knowledge?
I think I still can’t even process it. One day, people you trust will just leave you. They were there and now they are gone, and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it. I can’t process her absence. It does not make sense.
She wrote me a letter (I had asked her to do so), 7 pages, by hand, a lot of caring. She accepted to name a stuffed animal which would… represent her care for me and stay with me. I did surgery on it to place a rock she gave me inside, like a heart. It comes with me at work. …. I bought 15 extras, in case I lose or damage it. Overreacting? Never.
I made a book retracing our “journey” together. It kept me busy and oriented for the past month, and it was good to go over all the positive things, and go over the memories, both in session with her, and by myself, while working on the book.
Here is the book:
And one last page (actually after the “for being here” page, but it is a video so… I could not insert it directly.
Here we are.
Where do we go from here?
In the forests of the night 